Maunderlust

Residents of Oakland and labyrinth enthusiasts the world over have known for years that there exists a maze just east of San Francisco. This “[tag]MacArthur Maze[/tag]“, as it has come to be known, was designed centuries ago to keep would-be adventurers from discovering the treasure trove of affordable Swedish furniture hidden away by the [tag]Ottoman corsairs[/tag].

One wrong turn within this twisted refugee from Escher’s nightmares would lead you to a dank surface street that plunges straight into the heart of madness. Another, to a dead-end trail that terminates at the den of Bruce, the troll that lurks underneath the Bay Bridge waiting for the day that three goats will try to pass. A day that will never come.

Some of the most harrowing passages lead to KFC, but that’s actually pretty good. I can’t complain about that.

At any rate, some good samaratin recently destroyed a fair chunk of the foul maze, liberating its sub-human denizens from their endless days of orchid-eating and exposing them to the fair light of the sun - which unfortunately proved to be fatal.

Now there’s a lot of talk of rebuilding this collapsed part of the freeway. That’s all well and good, but I propose that we do not build a maze this time. Unless they intend to put a minotaur and/or David Bowie in it. In that case, I’m all for it. But if not, let us consider that mazes rarely make for speedy for efficient transportation.