Residents of Oakland and labyrinth enthusiasts the world over have known for years that there exists a maze just east of San Francisco. This “[tag]MacArthur Maze[/tag]“, as it has come to be known, was designed centuries ago to keep would-be adventurers from discovering the treasure trove of affordable Swedish furniture hidden away by the [tag]Ottoman corsairs[/tag].
One wrong turn within this twisted refugee from Escher’s nightmares would lead you to a dank surface street that plunges straight into the heart of madness. Another, to a dead-end trail that terminates at the den of Bruce, the troll that lurks underneath the Bay Bridge waiting for the day that three goats will try to pass. A day that will never come.
Some of the most harrowing passages lead to KFC, but that’s actually pretty good. I can’t complain about that.
At any rate, some good samaratin recently destroyed a fair chunk of the foul maze, liberating its sub-human denizens from their endless days of orchid-eating and exposing them to the fair light of the sun – which unfortunately proved to be fatal.
Now there’s a lot of talk of rebuilding this collapsed part of the freeway. That’s all well and good, but I propose that we do not build a maze this time. Unless they intend to put a minotaur and/or David Bowie in it. In that case, I’m all for it. But if not, let us consider that mazes rarely make for speedy for efficient transportation.
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The other day somebody pointed out to me that [tag]Sanjaya Malakar[/tag] from [tag]American Idol[/tag] has the same haircut as [tag]Anakin Skywalker[/tag] from [tag]Star Wars: Episode III[/tag]. And as it turns out, it’s totally true.